I am missed...

On msn.com today, I was reading about all the ways you should NOT break up with someone. One of them was "Don't do the disappearing act to prevent yourself from having to tell the other person how you feel." For a couple seconds, I was sure that a couple of my ex-boyfriends had written the author to complain. Little did I know that at that very moment, I did indeed have a message from an ex-boyfriend sitting in my inbox, and he was complaining (in a sense). He asked why we couldn't still be friends and hang out. It was something I had asked him shortly after I had broken up with him (the right way that time, at least according to msn) and he just quit calling me altogether like I had never existed. I had two equally strong reactions to that question:

(1) I was happy to hear that he still wanted to keep in touch (figuratively speaking, of course)
(2) I was scared to reply for fear of leading him on, lest he be thinking that things are going to resume

So I wrote him back and just said I didn't know why we couldn't still be friends, and I gave him my new cell phone number (618-540-4051 for those I haven't told yet) and told him he could feel free to call me sometime. Just a few hours later, he called me. It was a fine conversation, nothing too unusual. He asked me if I was doing anything Friday, and I told him that I'm working. We made some small talk, and that was that.

I was going to make a list of qualities I'm looking for in a significant other, but that's boring. Instead, I decided to make a list of things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):

1. go to Alaska (can soon cross this one off)
2. buy a house
3. learn how to play the guitar
4. take voice lessons
5. go to Tahiti
6. go to Seychelle
7. learn Spanish
8. become organized (am working on this one)
9. learn how to garden
10. write a book
11. see New York
12. Mardi Gras in New Orleans
13. move somewhere across the country
14. spend another summer in the Keys teaching scuba
15. have children
16. have my own horse(s)
17. own a Jaguar
18. go back to school for a masters
19. weigh 130 pounds (am getting there...)
20. become an avid runner
21. backpack for an extended period of time
22. learn how to sail
23. teach at a university
24. retake some physics, chemistry, and anatomy and physiology (I did fine in them, but I think I'd be more interested now that I have some medical experience)
25. learn how to rock climb
26. whitewater raft
27. drive across the country with someone (wouldn't be as much fun alone)
28. learn French
29. get married and stay that way
30. live in a foreign country for a while

I'll add to this list as I think of more. What are your lists? I'd be interested to read them...

That's all for now.

24 days until Alaska...

I woke up this morning, and the first thought I had in my head was, "what's the weather like in Alaska today?" I wonder how many other non-Alaskans had that thought when they awoke this morning?

So I am all excited about this trip. Do you know that the male to female ratio in Alaska is 2:1? That could be interesting, though I suppose the ratio of non-eccentric males to females would be drastically less. I cannot wait to meet the kind of people who would live there. Truly I think they must be a different breed of human being to inhabit the -70 degree F weather and not pack up and head south. I was reading online the other day, and was amused (and somewhat alarmed) to discover that many of the inhabitants of even the "large" city of Anchorage have bear stories. In fact, I was half-laughing with Tiffany just thinking about the fact that you actually have to worry about a moose attacking you. Moose, as I understand it, are very temperamental and dangerous creatures. Many an Alaskan have been killed by them, and not just in cars, either. They charge and then stomp and butt and kick you to death. How would you explain that to someone from the mainland?:

Alaskan: "You 'member old Percy Ipalook from Juneau?"
Floridian: "You mean the one who saved you from that polar bear that was chasing your dogsled that time?"
Alaskan: "He got himself killed last week."
Floridian: "Really? He was such a tough old guy. It wasn't the bear, was it?"
Alaskan: "Nah...moose got him. Family says he ain't even recognizable no more. They're gonna have a memorial 'cause the funeral home cain't make him presentable. Crying shame, it is. Second one this month, too."

Fear of moose and polar bear attacks would surely add a bit more flavor to life. The frigid, blood freezing cold would just be the icing on the cake, then. But you know what you'd never have to worry about in Alaska? Snakes. So I guess the one things Alaskans have in common in choosing to live/remain there is complete ignorance of snakes. Maybe we should take a rubber snake and randomly throw it down to see what the reaction is. Would they even know what it is? This could be an interesting trip...

Anyway, we leave March 31st, and will be returning on April 8th. We made reservations today at the Caribou Inn (a very inexpensive B&B)- I think the girl who answered the phone must have been an Eskimo...

Jesus is King

Jesus Ayala, that is. And King of Mexican food, to be more specific. This little Mexican guy who makes food on a stove in the back of his van just rolled into Alton about 2 months ago (though he says he's been cooking like this for 20 years). He's awesome. Very animated little guy, very friendly and knowledgeable about Mexican food. And man, that food is something. Cheap, too. I spent $2 on a jalapeno fajita, and it was probably the best fajita I've ever had. And to seal the deal, he listens to NPR while he cooks.

Can't beat that with a stick, now can you?

Like that night we got kicked out of two bars...

Last night was a great night, one of those you end up bringing up whenever you're telling funny party stories. An old friend from Mizzou (Chirag) called Andrea last week and said that he was coming to Alton to party with us, and that he'd already bought his plane ticket. We were also going to be joined by two other old college friends, Bill and Stefanie. So Andrea called me and told me to make sure I left that weekend free because we were about to experience some serious partying. I was not disappointed.

We met for dinner at Big Muddy Pub in Alton. Chirag and Bill decided they didn't want to eat much because they wanted to be able to maximize their absorption of alcohol. So Chirag had two stuffed mushrooms, and Bill had a cup of shrimp gumbo and two small crabcakes (which he tried forcing both Stefanie and I to eat). Here's Bill with his crabcake:

At this point Andrea's parents were with us, and her dad, Andrea's husband Bill, and Bill McClain were all drinking whiskey (Bill and Bill had theirs in Coke). But they soon decided that they needed more whiskey and less Coke so the waitress began bringing them doubles with just a shot of Coke in them. Here are the two Bills with their doubles:

After a number of toasts (one every 5-10 minutes or so), it became obvious that the Maximum Absorption Theory was a success, and we were beginning to annoy the other people in the restaurant. Andrea's parents decided to leave, as her father was already tipsy from the straight whiskey he'd been drinking. The boys loved him, and that was further solidified by his, "Praise Allah!" closing remark to Chirag as he was leaving.

P.S. After this picture was taken, Bill M. came over to me and was so proud of himself because he said he could feel that he'd had a good smile in this picture.

Chirag, by this point, was at his peak and was hamming it up while trying to get our waitress to give him some action:

Bill M tried to warn Chirag that it may not work, and then resigned himself to the fact that Chirag was going to do what he wanted:

Sadly, despite the donning of his good red shirt later in the evening, a romance between the two of them was not to be...her refusal left Chirag visibly upset:Recovering quickly, Chirag turned his attention to Stefanie:

At last, Stefanie was no longer amused:

But Andrea was:

Two refusals spurned Chirag to try more familiar territory. Here, he proposes to Bill M.:

After that, it seemed as though love was in the air. Chirag and Andrea got close:

Chirag and Bill M. got close:

Chirag and I got close (after he tried to slay my head 3 times with a paper napkin, that is):

A reconciliated Chirag and Stefanie got close (note his "lucky" red shirt):

Chirag and Bill H. got close:

Bill H. and Bill M. got close:

Andrea and Bill H got very close:

Bill M and I got close (he was sure this was another great smile to be proud of):

A still lonely Chirag got close with himself:

After getting kicked out of Don and Penny's because Bill M. tried to act like a bouncer and refuse admission to a girl who looked like she could kick his butt, we found ourselves (minus Andrea and Bill H) at Mac's Time Out, where Bill M rediscovered all his old dancing moves (after nearly getting kicked out again):

After an evening of fun, Stefanie and I decided to retire at the Holiday Inn in Alton with our two very worn out Dancing Queens:

In short, a good time was had by all.

Mardi Gras Goodness

Wow. It's been a while, huh? I'll try to catch you up the best I can, starting with last Saturday (where I left off). After my dog broke my computer, I went to Mardi Gras in St. Louis. It was awesome. I was a little crabby at first because of all the people (we were all packed like sardines on the streets), and the fact that this little Asian guy on a pole ruined any chance of my getting some beads in the normal, clean sort of way (i.e. no flashing). Here he is, greedy little bead thief.

I met a couple friends of my older sister Jennifer. Turns out they were awesome, as well. Melissa has been named an honorary sister of ours because we liked her so much, and her husband Brian made me laugh so hard all day that my stomach hurt. Seriously, he was one of the funniest people I've met in a long time. Here we all are with some random guy and girl who dressed up as Captain and Mrs. Morgan.

From left to right: me, Jennifer, Captain Morgan, Mrs. Morgan, Melissa, and Brian. We were all nicely buzzed at the time due to the plentiful pitchers, as demonstrated by Jennifer below:

We eventually met up with my friend Tiffany, who lives in Soulard. At some point, I left with Tiffany to use the bathroom in her apartment, and ended up doing three jello shots with her before heading back out to catch some more Soulard action. Here we are in her kitchen after the jello shots.

This next picture is my brother in law, and our new friend Brian. They are Mardi-cool, as you can tell. Wonder how Carey got all those beads?

After Mardi Gras, we went home and ate pizza and played some Playstation. It was one of the most fun days I've had in a while.

Grrrrrrrrrr..........

I have so many things to tell you guys, but my dog broke my computer ( I swear, it's true) so I have to wait to post in any length until I get it up and running again (Friday hopefully).

Check back Friday.

Sorry!

No, surely it can't be...

I know this will shock all of you, but I am sick again. I think my immune system is getting back at me for that letter I wrote {refer to post 12.23.05}. It started with a deep, bronchitis kind of cough and now has the added features of sneezing, muscle aches, and ear pain. I bet it's the Bird Flu this time. My immune system would think that was pretty funny. If I die, I need you guys to promise to send the consulate in Chicago a card on my behalf every year at the anniversary of my death to thank him for his role in my decision to stay in the US and incidentally acquire the bug (which my immune system refused to protect me against) that caused my final demise. Bastard. At the same time every year you could also send one to my immune system, which has proven itself to be a critical failure in every sense of the word.

Anyway, I am going to try to take a hot bath and maybe go to bed early yet again. Oh, the joy.

"What's she driving now?", final version

Today was a fairly productive day, all things considered. I had my prospective new (used) car [pictured above] checked by an independent mechanic, and he said everything looks great. Then I had the auto body shop give it a look to see if a tiny chip in the paint near the bumper would cause me potential problems (they said it would not). Then I went to two stores to try to get seat covers and floor mats. I got the covers, but not the mats. Then I went to get a gym membership at the local YWCA. After that, I stopped at Walgreens to get some medicine for my mom who is home sick today. Then I went back out to get my blood drawn in Glen Carbon (30 minutes away) because I know my TSH is high again. Then on to Wal-Mart to get an oil change and floor mats. Came home, fixed dinner, and am now exhausted (stupid thyroid).

I have to work tomorrow, and I am not happy about it. Normally I really don't mind, but lately I am so tired....

Wanna hear something funny? Yesterday morning I heard from the consulate in Chicago who said that he hadn't realized that the program I had been admitted to did in Genova not require them (the consulate) to pre-authorize me anyway (which was the whole reason that this visa stuff was drug out for so long that I had to withdraw). Bastard.

I think I'll go to bed early. I am really, really tired.

Closure and other neat tricks

I will not be going to Italy after all. The visa stuff just drug on and on, and I was finally forced to make a decision. I have notified all the appropriate officials, and as a consolation to myself have scheduled a trip to Italy in April with my friend Tiffany.

Now, if you don't mind, I need to send a card to the consulate in Chicago...if you really like me, you'll do the same. You can do it even if you don't. You can keep it brief- just thank him for being so helpful with my visa troubles and all. I'm sure he'll appreciate it- after all, he does love so very much to hear from me.

Send it to:
Attn: Mr. DeCaro
500 N. Michigan Ave.
Suite 1850
Chicago, IL 60611



{confused? refer to post 1.26.06}

NPR : Blogging: A Blight or a Boon to Marriage?

NPR : Blogging: A Blight or a Boon to Marriage?

Uh-oh: yet another strike against me (or maybe not)...

Life is like a song...

In case you've ever wondered, forgetting to return you rental car two days in a row really has no negative ramifications (other than having to pay an extra couple days' rental). I refuse to tell you how I know that.

Last week was a hard week. Work was stressful (a baby I've been taking care of for the past month and a half died over the weekend), my cousin was in a wreck and in the ICU (he's fine now), and my personal life is a big question mark best characterized by the song, "Should I stay or should I go?" This indecision's bugging me...

Handbag making has temporarily stopped due to machine malfunction. We're taking our two machines to the shop and hopefully they can fix them relatively quickly/cheaply. We have a lot to do, so keep your figers crossed...

Other than that, nothing much new to tell.

NPR : Coretta Scott King Honored as Civil Rights Champion

NPR : Coretta Scott King Honored as Civil Rights Champion

I just don't know...

I've come a long way, baby. When I think back to that dreary New Year's Eve and my resolution to have no resolution, I have to tell you that this is probably the farthest I've come in any year, ever. My room is still clean. I am much more organized. I almost feel like I've got it together, and let me tell you that's sort of a strange feeling for someone who has spent the majority of her life hurtling through in a chaotic blur. I hate to always quote one of my old college roommates, Reece, but he had a couple good quotes in the year we shared an apartment. One of them was, "I can't imagine you being reponsible for a child." That one makes me laugh still, because here's more than a little irony in the fact that for my career I help save childrens' lives on a regular basis, and am routinely responsible for their well-being. Yet I sort of agree with him still. I can't imagine having a child of my own. But I know that day will come, and I bet you anything I'll make a damn good mother. But I do wonder how you know when you're ready for that. Do you just start thinking about babies until it consumes your entire mind and you must produce/obtain one? Sometimes it seems like that must be the case, especially with some people I know. I really find it hard to believe that all of the sudden one day you wake up and realize that you have now reached the point where you are ready to be wholly responsible for the life of another human being. But that's what people will tell you when they have no better explanation. And I really do hate when people look at you knowingly (as in a discussion of marriage, say) and say smugly, "You'll just know." I didn't just know. And lots of people who'll tell you that will end up divorced. I hardly think, then, that they "just knew". I almost married a man who I am wholly incompatible with. It seems to me that you can create that "knowing" internally by wanting something badly enough to the point that you convince yourself of its reality. Anyway, I will spend the rest of my life trying to explain that to myself and the people who know me. It's like a big black splotch on my otherwise clean record. I screwed up in a BIG way, and I don't know if I'll ever fully understand why. But that close a call makes me distrust any internal voice that says, "Go ahead and do it, you just know it's right," because the way I see it, my right-meter must be a little off.
Anyway, only a handful of hours until I can start the rest of my life, be it in Italy or here in the lovely red America.

P.S. Did you hear Clinton's speech at the funeral of Coretta Scott King? It was really good, and it really made me wish he were back in office, especially when I compared it to Busch's humdrum typical unintelligent crap speech. Did you also notice how former President Jimmy Carter got his jab at Busch near the end of the speech? If you want to hear some of this, I've linked the page so you can find it easily and hear for yourself. Just go under Memorial Excerpts and click whichever one you want to hear first. Trust me, you'll notice the difference.

Is that a blanket on her head??

I cannot believe how fast two days off can go. What did I do? I slept in both days, but I have to say that the sleeping-in quality was far better yesterday than today. I was thinking about what made that true and I came up with the following: Yesterday the temperature in my room was just a bit on the cold side (which you know makes for better sleeping), and I had wrapped my head in a down blanket and fell into the most peaceful, lovely sleep that I have had in quite a while. A little background regarding the blanket-wrapped-head thing: Back when I lived in South City in St. Louis, Gianluca and I arrived home one day after lunch to discover that we had been broken into. The thief took some DVDs and some of my then roomate Karen's jewelry. At first, we thought it was just a random opportunistic crime. Then, after calling the SLPD, we realized it was much more than that. It turned out that the thief had hidden his own key outside our apartment, and was probably responsible for a number of suspicious happenings that we had always passed off as coincidence. The police thought that we were probably being stalked, given that the obvious theft occured on the only day that I had taken my dog Maddie to the groomer. They also thought that, given what we told them had happened thus far (i.e. suspicious nightime noises in our apartment with my dog getting upset), that this person has let himself in on numerous occasions while we were sleeping at night. Now, at the time, there were five of us roommates- myself, Karen, Gianluca, Marco, and Claudia. But Karen and I were the only occupants of the lower level apartment, and we were the only ones whose residence had been invaded on what turned out to be multiple occasions. At first, we all slept together in a couple rooms in the upstairs apartment. But Karen and I quickly realized that this could not be a permanent solution, and that we could not function in our daily lives paralyzed by fear as we were. We chose to move back downstairs (after the landlord changed the locks and barred all the basement windows). My dad even bought me window alarms for our whole apartment and the basement, a tazer, and a foghorn (why the foghorn, I'm not sure, but it sure startled us when we tested it). Our situation was not helped, however, by the fact that in the following weeks we must have called 9-1-1 at least 3 times due to suspicious sounds/events (including our apartment side door hanging wide open to the side yard after some scary noises at 3am, despite the fact that that particular lock had been changed). Anyway, that was the scariest period of my life (the second was the time period in Columbia, Missouri when my life was threatened repeatedly by some heroine addicts who were sure that I was invading their lesbian love triangle), and the only reprieves I had at the time were work and sleep. The only way I could get to sleep, however, was by wrapping my head in a blanket so that I could prevent myself from hearing every little noise and then freaking out. Ever since then, if I want to be sure of a good night's sleep, I wrap my head in a blanket and fall into a blissful state of oblivion. So now you know.
The other things I did today were to make some more yogurt (we go through it so quickly), and go to the store to buy more purse-making supplies. I also got another rental car for tomorrow and Thursday. It's nothing exciting like last time- just a small black Ford Focus, but it suits me just fine.

A small reminder: Friday will be the first day of the rest of my settled life, whether the decision turns out that I am going, or that I am staying here in the U.S. I cannot wait...

Newest Handbag Addition

And here's tonight's creation:

The San Jose is our clutch. This particular clutch has an exterior fabric of black denim with a slight sheen and a band of fun silky retro floral pattern in bright pink, baby blue, royal blue, black, white, and lime green. The interior is lined with the same retro print.

Visas, Politics, and Handbags

I have decided that at the end of this week if there has been no decision made by the consulate in Chicago regarding my visa status, I will voluntarily relinquish my scholarship. I have made this decision for a number of reasons. The first is that I will simply have run out of time. I am already missing the language training in Florence, Italy that was supposed to preced my participation in the masters program in Italy. I feel like I need that training in order to be able to fully participate in the learning of the material (as opposed to spending the majority of the time just trying to understand what's being said). The language training started on the 1st of this month. But let's say that I am able to deal with the language issues on my own. The next problem I face is the visa processing time. It can take two weeks to get a visa from the time you actually get to the consulate's office. Even if I get to Chicago next Monday (so on the 13th), I may not physically have the visa until the 21st). The program starts on the 27th. Let's say I receive the visa on the 21st and will be leaving on the 23rd. I will arrive on the 24th, and only have 2 days to settle in in a foreign country before I am expected to start classes. Not to mention the fact that I will have to begin attending rotary functions and fulfilling my obligations to them. It will be very difficult time-wise, language-wise, emotionally, and logistically. It would definitely test my personal limits on a number of different fronts, but I am willing to try as long as I have a decision by this Friday. After that, I refuse on the grounds that it is difficult enough to move to a foreign country in such an impromtu way with no language preparation, let alone try to play "catch-up" at school. So we'll see what this Friday brings.

Did you guys get a chance to listen to the congressional hearings on the Busch administration's domestic surveillance program? I thought it was very, very interesting and would like to know what everyone else thought about it.

Yesterday saw the completion of the first reversible evening handbag of Studio 310 (my mom and I have started our own little custom handbag line for those of you who aren't aware). This new bag is in addition to the clutch (non-reversible) that was created over the weekend. I will post photos of both, but please remember that these are only the prototypes. As it stands, I am the pre-construction designer and the supply shopper, and my mom is the construction designer and seamstress. What does that mean? It means that I come up with a bag design (after researching what's "in" and taking into account our abilities) and then I go out and choose coordinating fabrics and materials. I help create a pattern, and then I cut the fabric and hand it over to my mom. She then (having approved and or/modified the pattern) takes then takes the fabric to the machine and, after ironing out various difficulties, sews the bag. Afterward, we both play inspector and decide what needs changed, added, etc. Then we have a prototype from which to make additional bags (much easier to make the next bag since we the have a functional pattern). We are naming our bags after cities/places whose character and ambiance they reflect (names of these two are pending). The result is:


The Savannah is our evening wristlet. The exterior body is a sophisticated sage green and linen stripe with a slight sheen to it. The contrasting stripe is done in an elegant sage green and linen diamond pattern with a matching wrist strap. The interior is lined with a pretty taupe silk. It has a zipper closure.

The East Hampton is our reversible handbag. It is large enough to accomodate keys, money and credit cards, a few makeup items, and a cell phone. The fabric shown is a classic light brick red diamond pattern withdark cream center dots. The handles are black basket weave pattern with taupe and rust colored dots. The closure is a black grosgain ribbon. The reversible interior is a black background with a cream and red floral. It is shown below:

We are awaiting our tags, but once we have them all our bags will carry this small logo:

So that's what I've been up to lately. More to follow later...

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Because I care about you guys so much and will forsake my own dignity to protect you:

DO NOT take the recommended dosage of the fiber supplement Ultra Fiber! I think the manufacturers are trying to amuse themselves at our expense. Thankfully, I was cautious and took only 2 tablets once per day (instead of the recommended 4 tablets 3 times per day) and I assure you, that was more than sufficient.

And you know perfectly well what I mean.

What's she driving now??

C'mon guys, try to guess. I bet you can't. But I'll give you a hint: you will see me coming from a long way away. And you'll probably hear me, too. Oh, forget it- I'll just tell you.

Here's my new ride:

For $23 a day you can rent this monster from Enterprise (but first: are you crazy? the gas mileage sucks!). Anyway, since I have no car, I am forced to rent in order to get to/from work. It's expensive, it's a hassle, and I am reaching my "I am totally fed up with this crap" point at an alarming speed. How fast is that? Well, it's a little faster than the speed at which this truck will plow you over on the road because I didn't see you because I am too high off the ground.

You know how they say that it takes 2 weeks for form a new habit? Well, I am one day closer to reaching the 2 week mark for being a clean freak {refer to post 1.22.06 for a full discussion}. I bet that's something you never thought you'd hear from ME with my 25 year history of disorganized clutter. I am becoming a clean freak, and I have 2 ways to prove it. Last night as I was snuggling down under my covers in bed, I realized that I had left my socks on the floor. It troubled me so much that I had to get up and put them in my hamper before I could go to sleep. Seriously, this has never happened to me before. The second proof is a photo I took today randomly (as in, I did NOT prepare for this picture- I just went upstairs and this is what I saw):

Do you see? Not a clutter in sight. Only 5 more days until this way of living is a confirmed habit. And since I work all day tomorrow and all day Thursday, the opportunity to slip up is even less. And Friday I have a wedding to go to. And then Sunday I'll be antiquing in St. Charles. So really that leaves just Saturday. I can manage one piddly day, don't you think?

Now, if you don't mind, I have socks that need mated.

Yours truly,

Ms. Don't Mess With Me, I'm Cleaning