Update: Violent Christmas Villian Identified!!

Somehow I overlooked a very important e-mail from December 27th. Denis Wilson (previously unknown to me) of Australia (at least I think that's correct, right Denis?) e-mailed me to reveal the culprit of the Christmas Massacre. Denis wrote:

"It is a wild (very wild) Australian Orchid, which appears on 24 December and disappears on 25 December"..."It has a wicked sense of humour (as you have witnessed). I didn't know that it travelled as widely as to Illinois. "

Below is a very rare photo of the dangerous SantOrchidus (he is almost never photographed in bloom phase). He gains access on the eve of December 24th by impersonating Santa Claus, but once inside he sprouts into a very wild SantOrchidus and begins his evildoings. Rest assured, concerned public, that Denis and I are hard at work trying to hunt him down and will keep you updated as to his current whereabouts. Till then, do not allow Santa or strange orchids into your house. You just never know when it might be the SantOrchidus.

Thanks, Denis, for the lead!

The definition of joy is...

finding a decent coffeeshop in the most unexpected place (Broadway in Alton, IL).

This, friends, was an exciting day indeed. You know how I have pined for a coffeeshop to fill the void in my heart that was left when I moved away from Columbia, Missouri, and my favorite coffeeshop of all time, Lakota's? Aroma's in Alton is going to give Lakota's a run for its money, I think. Here are some photos of this New York loft type coffeeshop:

Have you ever seen such coffeehouse splendor? So what all does this place offer, you ask?

Wi-Fi access

great espresso

awesome atmosphere

plenty of seating

upper and lower level

great variety of drinks at reasonable prices

they serve lunch

great view of the river and bridge

It doesn't get much better than this. Just look at Andrea's face...she's positively beaming. Oh wait, that may have more to do with that little bulge in her tummy area:

Anyway, this is by far the most successful day I've had since moving back to Alton. If any of you come through town in the future, give me a call (or an e-mail) and I'll meet you there for a coffee. Chances are I'll already be there anyway.

A letter to my sleep/wake cycle

Dear screwed up sleep/wake cycle,
I am mad at you. You are ruining my life lately. Why is it that you come alive at 11pm at night, absolutely insisting on utilizing all available neurons so that I am wide awake? Then in the morning, you drug those same neurons so all they want to do is rest. You know I like to get up early. You know I don't like wasting my days catching up on sleep I should have gotten during the night. We have had this fight for the past several months, and it seems you are winning. I have tried to undermine you with Tylenol PM, yet somehow you fight through the drowsiness to make me think of things that really could wait until morning. Like last night- you kept me up thinking about the article in the NY Times about childbirth and the studies that show pushing during a contraction doesn't help labor at all. Is this something that needs to concern me at 3am? Am I pregnant? If so, you must know something I don't. Do I even care about pushing during labor? NO. And the other night when you insisted that I worry about terrorists picking Alton, IL to randomly abduct poeple from their homes so they can behead them. I mean, really. Can you at least be more realistic in your choices for my thought process? How about making me worry that this lack of sleep will eventually kill me? How would that one go? Oh yeah, that doesn't work because I might actually get worried enough to make myself sleep. If there were a way to override you, I would. But mark my words: I won't stop looking for ways to defeat you. You may keep me awake tonight, but tomorrow I think we'll start bright and early with 2 espressos. Then we'll take an invigorating walk outside with Maddie. When we return, 2 more espressos. Then we'll do some heavy cleaning for a couple hours later followed by two more espressos. Then another walk around the block. Then, in the evening around 8pm we'll start taking Tylenol PM combined with a hot bubble bath and some stretching. Then we will crawl in bed and begin reading the Precalculus book on the bookshelf in Ann's room. If you're not crying uncle by then, god help us both.

Yours in wakefulness at midnight,
Laura

Off to a good start

I've decided to scrap the best/worst of 2005 explanations. It just seems wrong to be talking about 2005 now that it's 2006. In hindsight, I should have started it earlier so it would be done by New Year's Eve, but I didn't. I don't think that will crush anyone.
I am off today and for the next two days. Today I went to Walgreens to keep my loaned New Year's Resolution (thanks Jen) to enhance my financial situation by taking full advantage of the Easy Saver Rebate Club while combining the rebates with coupons found in the newspaper. (I kind of forgot about the coupon part, though, and just did the rebate part.) What did I buy?

Fish oil capsules- I don't need them, but they're free and they sound healthy
tampons and pads- let's face it, they're a necessity if you're a woman, and this way they're cheaper
Cottonelle moist wipes: for that fresh, clean feeling after the dirty deed
Kleenex moist wipes: for when you're in the car eating (peanuts, perhaps?)and you need a moist napkin
Isadora mascara: nevermind that I ran out 2 weeks ago and had already bought more. It's free.
Toothbrush: Thanks to easysaver, I haven't had to spend my own money on a toothbrush for over a year and a half
personal lubricant: umm, it was free.
3 Pepsi 12-packs (Diet Pepsi, Diet Mountain Dew, and Sierra Mist Free): for lunches at work. They'll be free after the rebate
Cottonelle toilet paper: you know, those ripples really do make you feel cleaner
Tums smoothie (tropical fruit flavor): I don't have heartburn, but someday I might be with someone who has a heartburn crisis and then I'll have saved the day. And they're free.

Then I went grocery shopping. There I bought:

Fuji apples
oranges
eggs
Healthy Life bread
Jif creamy peanut butter (to put on healthy bread)
cheese
Old Orchard 75% less sugar juice in Apple Cranberry and plain Apple
Dannon and Yoplait light yogurts
pork roast
ham and turkey deli meat
Wolfgang Puck soups in a variety of flavors
whole wheat pasta
three cheese marinara sauce (Shop & Save brand)
cat food (because although I don't have a cat, my dog insists on eating all of my mom's cat's food)

So you see, so far I have managed to keep 3 of my resolutions: I took advantage of January's EasySaver, I didn't let anyone I know have circus ass, and I avoided styrofoam.

So far, so good....

Happy New Year and All That Jazz

I am a big loser. I hate New Year's Eve. The two might be connected in some sort of important way, but I'll probably never know for sure. I don't really think of myself as a pessimist (with my misfortune, being pessimistic would surely have put me in my grave by now), but whenever this last day of the year arrives and I'm standing on the precipice of a fresh, new year, all I can think about are the mistakes I've made and all the things I didn't do that I should have, or that I really wanted to do but couldn't squeeze in. Have you ever thought about your life and just gotten overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff you'd like to do before you die? That's how I feel every single New Year's Eve. It's like a free-for-all rat race to pack it all in before you check out for good. It makes me nervous and apathetic all at the same time. And every year I tell myself there will be no resolution, but find myself making tiny little promises I know I won't keep (e.g.: tonight I found myself thinking, "this year I'm going to get involved in some kind of political organization"). But when I stop and think for a second, I know I've never kept a single New Year's resolution anyway. Have you? I'd be interested to hear from someone who actually has a little follow-through. I'm sure I would be very impressed. Maybe you would inspire me to keep a resolution of my own. Or maybe I could just resolve to keep yours (I mean, maybe you had a really good one or something). Maybe that's it. Maybe your resolutions are better than mine and this isn't my fault at all, I just need to pick better ones. If you don't mind, in the comments section under this post, leave me your past (successful) New Year's resolutions and I will pick one and make it mine. In the meantime, I am going to keep with my past New Years tradition and go to bed, wrap blankets around my head (so I don't know when midnight arrives) and fall asleep. Happy New Year and all that jazz.

Best/Worst of 2005 #9

#9 (Best): Being the maid of honor at Andrea's wedding.
Andrea and I have known each other since freshman year at Alton High School. We almost immediately became best friends, and spent the remaining 3 years of high school cracking each other up all day long, every day. There is just something about the two of us together that seems to invite humorous situations and mishaps. And although we all know it is probably mostly my fault that we get into such predicaments, I can always be sure that Andrea is wholeheartedly along for the ride. Like the day we were driving in Brentwood eating a bag of peanuts we'd bought at Soulard Market. I was so focused on cracking open my peanuts that I rear-ended someone at an intersection. It was hilarious (in part because no damage was done). Then five minutes later I did it again to another vehicle(still, no damage done). Andrea laughed and laughed and laughed. Had it been my mother in the car, it would have been a very stressful and unpleasant situation. With Andrea, it was just damn funny. And I won't even get started talking about our trips to Eminence, Missouri (one of which was filmed for posterity).
Anyway, being her maid of honor was cool because there had been a point in college (we started off as roommates) when we fought and then didn't talk for a while over something really stupid. But then we patched things up and were able to resume being every bit as close as we were before, so being in her wedding was sort of the culmination of our 11 year friendship.

Funny little side note: It's a good thing she never listens to me. The night we met Bill (her husband), I ended up getting so mad at him that I threw his hat at him and said a few choice words. I told her that he wasn't a good choice for her at all, and that she should date someone else. I couldn't have been more wrong. He's a great guy, but more importantly he's really good to her and I'm happy they chose to ignore me (and to Bill: I know I've said it before, but I'm really sorry I got so mad about your hat).

#9 (Worst): Finding I'd been waitlisted for the Italian masters program.
I doubt anyone needs me to say anything more about this. If so, please refer to post 12.19.05

Update: Another Christmas Victim Identified!!

It seems that word of the Christmas Massacre has gotten out, and the perpetrators have struck again. Below is a photo of the most recent victim that was sent to me via e-mail. This particular crime took place in Soulard in the St. Louis area, and apparently they have gotten bold enough to strike the house of a police officer (who has been so shaken by this incident that he eats, sleeps, and showers now in his bullet-proof vest). You'll note other differences as well between this slaying and the others; in particular, note the Van Gogh like manner in which the ear of the victim was removed. The ear was discovered later laying amidst a pile of oranges at Soulard's famous market. What this means has yet to be deciphered, but criminologists are working diligently to figure it out. If you have any clues, please contact me at the e-mail link to this post.


Name: Fernando (Snoopy's outcast spotless cousin)
Age: 22 (dog years)
Location: Originally from Metca, Mexico, he was visiting Snoopy in Soulard for the holidays
Occupation: VJ for 198.7 El Perro (very famous mexican station)

Fernando will be sadly missed by his loving family, who only recently accepted him back into the fold after he finally confessed that the disappearance of his spots was due not to some rare unidentifiable dermatologic disease, but instead to the overzealous use of Pablino's Skin Bleaching Crema in the hopes of winning the heart of Zaza Poodle.

Best/Worst of 2005 #10

#10 (Best): Moving into my first post college house in U- City.
This one is fairly obvious. I had just graduated from nursing school and accepted my first job. I was (still am) young, independent, and I wanted to support myself and move somewhere fun and have a couple roommates. So I decided to move in with Karen (a childhood friend) and Gianluca (an Italian friend I've known for several years). We scoured St. Louis looking for apartments, houses, condos, anything that would fit our little picture of what we were looking for. Finally we found it: the perfect little house was sitting there waiting for us at 7486 Gannon Avenue in University City. We were minutes from the Loop, minutes from several major highways, and the drive the the hospital was less than 15 minutes. We moved in and got everything situated. We had a big party during Riversplash, and saw Big Head Todd and the Monsters play down under the arch. On the weekends would go into U city and have drinks, and there was plenty of good shopping around. I got very familiar with the U City Library (if you've never been, it's one of the nicer public libraries in St. Louis). The house had a fenced in yard, so Maddie was happy too. It was good until........

#10 (Worst): Discovering the house in University City was infested with brown recluse spiders.

Now, if you know me, you already know that I have an unhealthy fear of spiders. I don't think I quite qualify to say it's a phobia, but it's close. I understand they are beneficial and good for insects, etc., and so I would never want to abolish spiders completely but I don't want them anywhere near me. Ever. One time on my drive to Alton from Columbia, MO, I saw one on the inside of the car I was driving on the windshield. It just kept crawling all over the place, and I very nearly ended my own life that day on highway 70 because I could not simultaneously drive the car and try to make sure the spider didn't get me.
So you can understand my horror, then, when I was watching a movie on the couch in our brand new house in U City, and I saw something scuttling across the floor. Intuitively, I knew was it was without even being able to see it well. Now, I may be terrified of them, but I happen to know a little bit about identifying the bad kind (thanks to the cabin we have nestled in the woods in the heart of brown recluse land). But that one was scuttling so fast that I couldn't get a good look. And it's hard to get a good look anyway when (for the sake of sanity) you require at least a 10 foot distance between yourself and the spider. Anyway, I sort of stored it in my mind that this particular spider was a suspicious size, shape, and color and just left it at that. (Well, sort of. When Gianluca got home, I made him tear apart the living room to look for it, but it had escaped). Then, a few days later I was doing my makeup in the bathroom and saw another spider run down the side of the vanity and across the floor. I got a good look at that one and knew immediately what we had: brown recluse. However, I try to be logical when I can, and I know that these spiders weren't acting like a typical recluse because they weren't being reclusive. I knew if we wanted proof I would need to see that little upside down violin on the abdomen. This initiated the most terrifying mission of my life: I needed to catch the one thing in life that I fear most and get a good look at it's abdomen. Obviously, though, it would have to die first, but if we wanted to see it's abdomen we couldn't just smash it. I had already killed the bathroom spider via smashing, so I knew we would have to find another. This proved to be horrifically simple: once we started looking, they were everywhere. There were two in Karen's bedroom, one within inches of where she laid her head every night. There was one in my bedroom. There were several in the kitchen (Karen very nearly got bitten when she reached into the sink to grab a dish one morning), several on the back porch, and one in the upstairs game room. There was the one in the bathroom (R.I.P., little poisonous spider), and the one in the living room. So finding them was easy. Finding a way to kill them and leave them intact proved much more difficult. I found one on the back porch and decided to pour bleach on it. It didn't even phase this spider. I tried insect spray. Still nothing. I tried ammonia. Nothing. The thing just kept crawling around like a lunatic. Finally after several more doses of bleach, it stopped running around, but was still moving. After much waiting, it stopped running around and just laid there wiggling its soggy legs. When I was absolutely sure that it could not move positionally, I used a paper towel to scoop it up and put it in a gladware container. After I let it dry a bit, I opened the container and held my breath. There, staring me right in the face was the upside down violin. A week later, we were moving in our new apartment in South City.

I was still disturbed about the behavior of these spiders, though, so I called an exterminator and he told me that the week we saw them everywhere was unseasonably cool, and that sometimes weather changes like that make them come out into the open. So there you have it.

No Italy, no car, no guy...what next?

Okay, all you hot bachelors: I'm a free woman now.

Oh, that's so funny it almost makes me want to laugh. So I broke up with him tonight. It was almost easy. I just told him I'm unhappy and I need more. There were some questions, but overall no argument from him (I'm sure deep down he feels the same), just a simple agreement that our schedules and generational differences have made things too difficult to continue. That in itself is nearly comedic, but I feel confidant that the two of us know and understand the real reasons behind the problems we've had. I also gathered from our conversation that he has read my posts and knows this website quite well (you didn't mean to let that slip, did you Tim?). Anyway, I guess we'll be friends and let the rest finally lay to rest. After all, as friends I can appreciate our differences without worrying about how this will affect our relationship 10 years from now when I'm bitter and resentful from years of solo diaper changing. I do think we'll be happier this way, don't you?

Anyway, on the brink of welcoming yet another new year, I offer you (all) this toast: Sometimes it's better to quit and remember what was than to try and force what isn't, to be.

2005 Best/Worst Top Ten

As 2006 approaches, it's time once again for looking back and pondering the best/worst events of the year and what they tell us about life in general for that year. Every couple days, I plan (time permitting) to discuss one each from the best/worst list to give an idea of why it was chosen as such. So, here goes (in no particular order):

Best 10 Events of 2005:
10. moving into my first post-college house in U-City
9. being the maid of honor at Andrea's wedding
8. becoming an aunt again (my brother's first baby)
7. Andrea announcing she's pregnant
6. passing the first oral telephone Italian exam
5. getting to know the PICU gals/guys at Cardinal Glennon
4. Jillian's wedding/Mizzou roommate reunion
3. rediscovering my dance moves at the Klingsick wedding (caught on video)
2. becoming friends again with an old ex-boyfriend
1. preventing myself from becoming a victim of the Nigerian counterfeit cashier's check fraud

Worst 10 Events of 2005:
10. discovering my first post-college house was infested with brown recluse spiders
9. discovering that I'd been waitlisted for the Italian masters program
8. all the implications of the fact that my piddly nurses' salary minus my student loans puts my annual income at only $3000 a year above the 2005 national poverty level
7. the decision to buy the Hyundai before I'd officially sold the Durango
6. the multiple break-ins at our house in South City by a crazy lunatic
5. deciding to be more than friends with an old ex-boyfriend/ever letting the "M" word slip out of my mouth regarding aformentioned ex-boyfriend
4. the attempted setup (without my knowledge) with a resident rotating through the PICU
3. 3 more years of George W.
2. the deaths of three particular patients I had in the unit
1. discovering that I, too, have a functional biological clock

Wanted Dead or Alive: Violent Christmas Villians!

As I sat on the loveseat in front of a crackling fire one evening after Christmas, I was struck by a horrifying realization- an unthinkably violent genocide had occurred in my house, right under my very nose! As I pieced the evidence together, I soon discovered that some monstrous blood-thirsty villains (it was so gruesome, I knew there had to be multiple perpetrators) had lain to waste a whole population of peaceful Christmas people. After some sleuthing, I determined that the crime must have occurred as follows:

WARNING: The scenes below are extremely graphic, and viewer discretion is strongly advised.

The perpetrators broke into Christmasland and wasted no time:




This angelic double homicide was the first…


Santa had gotten word and tried to stop them…



but he couldn’t even save Mrs. Claus



After the head honchos were hung, it seemed that snowpeople were particularly vulnerable:


They strung Frosty …




...then went after his head
double



His skinny brother Boris fared no better:



Boris's buddy Jack was trying to warn the others when they got to him:





Bill was caught making a run for it:


Bill’s mother Helsinka was doing housework when they got her:



and then her toddler Rinka was left defenseless:




Bored with Snowmen, they moved on to sweeter offerings…

Ira Ginger was first:




Then they got his friend:



and then his friend’s kid:






On their way to their ultimate victim, they found a kid in a sock and ruthlessly hung it:




and then his handicapped legless friend:



Finally, they found poor Rudolph, scared him white, and then hung him upside down!



Leopold, the only remaining snowman, wishes to announce that a memorial service will be offered for the victims of this tragedy on New Year's Eve. At that time, he will be releasing a star similiar to the one pictured below. He asks that you please send donations in lieu of flowers.


(Leopold during the practice for the New Year's Eve Memorial Service in honor of the slain)


A reward is offered to anyone who has any information regarding this gruesome event. It is unclear at this time as to the total number of victims. If you have any additional photos to share which you believe to be the victims of these same perpetrators, please send them via the e-mail link to this post. Valid victims' photos along with names and the circumstances surrounding their slayings will be published at a later date. We at Christmasland thank you for your cooperation in this investigation.

A Letter to My Immune System

Dear Weakened Immune System,
Ever since I was diagnosed with Grave's Disease in 1999, I have gotten sick much more often that I ever used to. For the first few post-diagnosis years, you were understandably worn down and so I was sick almost every month with something or other. I tried to be patient with you and the fact that you were basically useless to me. I even kept a sense of humor and made jokes about leaving you in order to live in the plastic bubble with that boy. For years now, our relationship has been tumultuous at best. I do my part by frequently washing my hands and using hand sanitizers, but you refuse to protect me from even the most basic "bugs", let alone the big, bad ones. Let's face it- '99 was a long time ago and you have had plenty of opportunity to regain your strength and act like a proper immune system.
In April 2003, you allowed me to aquire an infection so severe that I thought maybe I had SARS. (You can laugh, but it wasn't that much of a stretch considering how I had been in an international airport two weeks prior to becoming deathly ill with a 104 fever, vomiting/dehydration, muscle soreness/weakness, and racking cough that ended with a trip to the ER). And my doctor thought it was a possibility too, and she treated me with the same medication they were using on SARS victims. Still, I didn't blame you since other immune systems were also experiencing a difficulty with SARS.
In 2005, it was a double fun year: in February I had what I now believe must have been some kind of pneumonia given the fact that when I laid down I felt like I was drowning and was unable to breath. Have you ever tried to remain completely upright when you are sick with a fever and chills? An immune system must have no idea how hard that would be. It got so bad that at one point I was unable to get a good breath and thought for sure I would die of asphyxiation. I called my doctor's office and though I was barely able to talk through the coughing fits I told her that I was having trouble breathing. You remember what that receptionist told me? That the doctor didn't have any appointment slots open and if I was that sick I should just go to the ER. Fortunately for you and unfortunately for her, my older sister works for that company and knew the office manager. A short while later I received a call from the physician herself to apologize for that person, and the office manager, who also apologized and gave me her beeper number for future use. You were very lucky that I got a priority appointment, some antibiotics, and some cough syrup with codeine.
Then in December of that same year I got sick with the flu during the holiday season. It lasted for nearly two weeks. Do you know of any other immune system that lets their host suffer like that? Do you?? I remember laying on my sister's couch feeling feverish and crappy while everyone else (and their functional immune systems) was baking cookies and listening to Christmas music.
This year you have once again slipped in your duties and I have been sick since Tuesday. I am snotty and coughing and achy. I have called off work the past two days and have pretty much laid around all day feeling crappy. I do not have my Christmas stuff done, but thanks to you I am too sick to do it. Although at this point it does not appear to be the Bird Flu, I am warning you that if you don't shape up a bit, I am not above leaving you once and for all. After all, that boy in the bubble has grown up to be quite a man in a bubble, and he is looking better and better compared to you.

Yours in ill health,
Laura

Hey kids, it's April fools- early!

In case there was ANY doubt remaining as to the validity of my earlier assertion that I have some of the worst luck of anyone I know (refer to post 12.13.05), allow me to submit into evidence the following:

It turns out I have been waitlisted (I didn't even know this was a possibility) for the masters program. On January 3rd, they will announce who from the waitlist (if anyone) will have a spot in the program. They have also decided that the program will commence at the end of February rather than the beginning. This means that, were I to be chosen for the program via the waitlist, I would not leave until early February to complete the language training in Florence.

Now, this evidence of my penchant for misfortune is fourfold:

(1) I already gave my boss my two weeks' notice and began my exit interview today.
(2) I had announced to friends and co-workers that I was leaving and my farewell dinner was scheduled for tomorrow night with reservations at my favorite St. Louis restaurant.
(3) My cell phone contract will automatically end on the 1st of January in part because since I knew I was leaving anyway, I finally got bold enough with Sprint to tell them what I really think of them.
(4) Ironically enough, I just sold my only car {post 12.15.05}

It's got to be some kind of omen...

It turns out that Simone actually exists. He is a real flesh and blood human being. Due to some freakish twist of fate, the two of us had never met despite having the same circle of friends for nearly four years. He'd come up often in conversations and such, but somehow we'd always managed to miss each other at parties and get togethers and stuff. I'd show up and someone would say, "Oh, you should have been here earlier- Simone was here." Or I would be invited to his house by one of our mutual friends, and I would be unable to go because my car broke down, or I had to fill in for someone at work. Always something very last minute. For never having met him, I knew a lot about him; in fact, people often forgot that the two of us were really complete strangers. About two years into it, this became a bit of a little private joke in my head. Someone would say something about Simone, and I would say out loud, "Oh, that Simone," like I knew him personally. And people would laugh and agree that Simone was really a character, all the while ignorant of the fact that I had no idea who I was talking about. Then at some point I became hesitant to actually meet him. I'd formed such a clear picture of him that I felt it unecessary to actually meet him. I liked him a lot- he was stylish and charming and friendly and intelligent and gay, so he was basically the perfect guy (not in a romantic sense, of course, just in general). I didn't want to ruin it by meeting him, so I didn't. But alas, last night there was no escape. I went to Gianluca's graduation party at Brennan's in Clayton, and Simone was there. I attempted to avoid him, and at first I thought I might succeed. I told everyone I wasn't going to meet him, and that if I met him I would die in a fiery plane crash on my way to Italy because actually meeting him at this point would be very bad luck. But then some punk (ANTONELLO LODDO) went up to him and told him that I was afraid I would die if I met him, so he came up to me laughing and introduced himself. So what was he like, this person I'd crafted from countless conversations and stories? Well, after I spent a little time talking to him, it became evident that he was stylish, charming, friendly, intelligent, and gay. Now I'm a little nervous that I'm right about the bad luck thing, too.

Goodbye Durango Dear

Dearest Durango,
When I first met you, I had big dreams. Together, we would go places my decrepit Saturn could never take me. We would haul and tow like the big boys. We would travel off the beaten path while mocking less equipped,"wimpy" vehicles. In you I felt safe and warm. You kept me entertained on long drives by channeling NPR into my ears. You hauled my stuff time and time again without complaint. You were my portable house as I traveled from residence to residence, and within your dark windows, I always knew you were keeping watch over my beloved possessions. True, we had our difficulties- you were always obnoxiously loud, and you absolutely insisted on checking out each and every gas station we passed. But we came to really care about each other. You accepted that I started our relationship as a "user" (I only wanted you because I needed to pull a horse trailer), yet you never made fun of me (as some did) when that dream was not realized. You tried to talk me out of a more economic replacement, then stood patiently by through weeks of benched driveway time until the replacement failed me miserably. Instead of mocking me for such a poor decision, you were simply excited to get to be with me again. But I have to tell you that our time has come- I have to give you up. This is hard for me to do, but I made sure you have a good home to suit your personality. You're going to live an exciting life with a police officer who will love and cherish you as I have. I'm sure that with him, you will go places we never could have gone. Trust me that this is for the best. Be well, my friend, and know that in the future when I hear the loud roar of a power muffler, I will think fondly of you.
Yours in hauling,
Laura

Time zone humor...

It's easy to forget sometimes that there is a 7 hour difference between Italy and the United States (Italy is seven hours ahead of us), and I'm evidently not the only one who has this problem. I had been scheduled to take the final "oral" exam this morning sometime after 9 am. The way it was to work was that I would get an e-mail from her which would contain the exam and once I opened it, I would have an hour and a half to complete it and mail it back to her. I decided yesterday to send an e-mail to remind Dr. Burlando (the coordinator of this masters program) to clarify whether she intended to send it when it was morning here, or when it was morning there (in which case it would be the middle of the night for me). However, I sent the email around 7pm our time, which I knew was 2am their time (I figured it would be there in the morning before she sent the exam to me, then). So this morning I get up at 6:30 am and the first thing I do is check my e-mail to see if she responded. I see a message from her, so I open it. Surprise! It's the exam, and I am now being timed. She evidently forgot that morning for her was the middle of the night for me. So instead of being fully awake and prepared, I am sleepy and in pajamas doing this test. Oh well- it was easy, and now I have the whole day ahead of me. I am meeting Tiffany and Anne (another friend and coworker) for lunch at The Emperor's Wok in South City, so the day will be a good one despite the rude awakening. Next week Gianluca and I are off to Chicago (hopefully by train) to apply for a visa.


Tiffany (left) and Anne at The Emperor's Wok

Luck is all how you look at it

For those of you who know me well, you know first-hand that I am just about the unluckiest person there is. I stopped fighting it long ago and now I and misfortune have come to an understanding: I live, and misfortune plagues me. For those of you who don't know me, I thought I'd give you a local taste of what I'm sure I will experience (in some form or another) abroad. The story is a simple one. On a relatively recent day off I'd decided to use a beautiful fall day to my advantage, and so I called up my friend and co-worker Tiffany to see if she and her dog Max would be interested in a hike at Pere Marquette State Park with myself and my dog Maddie. The park is 45 minutes away from Alton, so we meet at my house. Since she drove all the way to my house, I offered to drive to the park. On the way there my car breaks down. While we discuss our options, the Grafton police pass by as we stand (two women, two dogs, and a car which is billowing smoke) on the shoulder of a busy road.


True to form, they do not stop to help us. Two ladies walk by and they do offer to help us (although Tiffany remains convinced that their offer was simply an attempt to avoid the awkward silence of simply walking by and pretending not to see us). We shoo them on since we obviously have the situation under control (no more smoke at this point). Instead, we call a tow truck. Unlike the Grafton police, the tow truck guy is very nice and friendly. Then we continue to wait on the shoulder of the road for him to show up. When he arrives, not only does he agree to take our pictures for posterity, but he also feels bad that we have driven all that way for nothing, and so he unhitches a truck from the tow truck and offers to let us use it for the afternoon to go hiking. We did, and we had a great time.

Now, you might be asking yourself how this qualifies as bad luck. Yes, the car breakdown was unfortunate, but it happens to everyone at some point. And clearly we got lucky with the tow truck guy. But let me tell you the rest of the story: I had bought this car as a fuel efficient alternative to the Durango I currently drive. The plan was for me to sell the Durango and buy a cheaper car that would cost less to drive back and forth to work after I moved back home with my mom for a few months in order to save money for Italy. When I moved to Italy, I would sell it as well. Through an unfortunate series of events (or unlucky, you might say), the guy that swore he was buying the Durango backed out, leaving me with two cars. Try as I might, I could not sell the Durango. So now, despite the fact that the original intent was to save money, I was making two car payments and two insurance payments per month. If this was not bad enough, this stupid car then breaks down to the tune of $1350. I only paid $3000 for it! Do you know how much I had managed to save for Italy since moving home? $800. So all my savings for Italy and a good chunk of my checking were eaten up when the car that was supposed to save me money decided not to work anymore. THAT is how lucky I am.

The only things more impatient than me and Tiffany that day were Max and Maddie. Here's Max all ready to hike.

My nephew (pictured below) and my dog got their Halloween costumes from the same store. Besides being funny, it's true.

Cruel and unusual punishment... 

This is my nephew Grant, who will be approximately 13 months old when I see him again after returning from Italy.