Ever since the last letter, our relationship has been rocky at best. I suppose that's because you feel jealous that I had started looking at Sonatas and Civics. You feel that my looking at smaller, more fuel efficient vehicles somehow belittles your existence, and that it negates anything positive I could have felt toward you in the past. You have felt colder and more distant to me than before. Your powerful roar upon starting up today seemed almost hateful. Initially, I thought you were just being dramatic and that you just needed some time to adjust to the idea of a new life with someone else. But today's events have left me doubting whether I really knew you at all. You knew your last night with me was going to be tonight. We'd talked about this many times. When we drove to work this morning, though, I was more nervous than usual- you just seemed so unhappy. Then, as I was taking that left hand turn onto S. Grand, you seized control and intentionally plowed into that poor older man's car as he was waiting at the stoplight, thereby causing an impressive amount of damage to the both of you. Did you think this behavior would endear me to you? Did you really think that this sort of kamikaze manipulation would make me keep you? And what about that poor, delapidated Malibu? It had obviously had a hard enough life as it was. And now you sit here in the driveway with your face all battered and torn up, expecting sympathy from me- you are a pathetic, pathetic wretch of a vehicle. If I had known you had this sort of behavior in you, I would have sold you for scrap metal a long time ago. You have managed to buy yourself a couple extra days with me, but most of that time will be spent undergoing a complicated, painful facelift. So after all that, you, sir, have done yourself no great service. I warn you- keep it up and you may find you've been recycled into thousands of little Spam containers. And if you think the Sonatas and the Civics of the world laugh at you now...
Unwillingly yours for a small while longer,
Laura
P.S. Let these photos of your mangled face be a reminder to you of your disgraceful behavior this morning.
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