On my way home from work tonight, I discovered something a little disturbing about myself: I am prematurely senile (aka Penile). I was looking at the "contacts" list in my cell phone trying to figure out who to call on my way home (I have a long, boring drive home), and I discovered that I have no idea who/what some of my contact entries are. And since you have to be somewhat of a frequent contact to end up in my phone (non-frequent contacts are relegated to the "redbook"), I should know everyone in there fairly well. But I have multiple mysterious entries. For example, tonight I found:"Marty": I don't know any Marties (is that how you pluralize more than one Marty??) I have only ever known two Marties in my life. Marty #1 was my co-host of the Marty and Lou Radio Show at Mizzou (no one ever listened, EVER). I haven't seen him since around 1999, and I didn't even have a cell phone then. Marty # 2 was my clinical nursing instructor at St. Joe's and I know I'd never put her in my phone book (too high a risk for known drunk dialers like myself).
Then there's "Eric": Again, I can't for the life of me think of a single Eric except the Eric I know in high school who always sat behind me in Pre-Calc and hit on me (and let me tell you I was not cool, so you can imagine what he must have been like).
It gets stranger from here. I have an entry for "Pasta". ?? What the hell? I've never known anyone called Pasta, I don't know any restaurant called Pasta, and I though I do love spaghetti, I sure as hell don't call it on a regular basis.
Nor do I call "Yogurt". I don't even know of any yogurt crisis hotline, so this one just defies all explanation.
And there's "Pet". I only have two pets and neither of them owns a cell phone, so I don't know what to say about this.
Last but not least, there's "Tree". I cannot recall a single time I have ever been so smitten with a tree that I put it in my phone book.
Now, I am sure there are some good explanations. I could have been drunk when I added them and, for example, entered "Pet" instead of Patricia or something (not likely because I am so rarely drunk these days). Someone could have stolen my phone, or I could have a prankster (somewhat more likely). Or, and probably most likely of all, I enter these things thinking, "Now, I'll know what this is when I see it." But I don't, which is why I am Penile.
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