Alaska, here we come!!

Tomorrow at 1:55 pm, Tiffany and I will board a plane headed to Anchorage. We have packed our bags, consulted travel guides, and sought the advice of those who've been there before. We know the weather, and we packed for comfort instead of style (this is Alaska, after all- survival, not style, reigns supreme). My ski pants looked so happy when I pulled them out of the closet for their first big trip. I packed every single fleece item I own, including my trusty LL Bean fleece from my junior year of high school (it has been on every single camping/outdoor vacation trip I have been on since that time). It sort of smugly covered the happy ski pants because it knew all along it would get to go. Then, I packed a couple pairs of jeans and a pair of courduroys, some long sleeve layering t-shirts, and a sweater. My LL Bean boots also get to go this time, but this is probably the only (flight) trip they'll ever go on since they weigh approximately 5 pounds and take up half the suitcase. They are on probation, so I hope they prove themselves useful.

We also packed a small suitcase of food items, since we've read that food prices are exorbitant in Alkaska, and we prefer to spend our money on activities instead of food. Not that we won't eat out- I'm sure we will. It's just that we can save a lot of money if we only eat out once a day at the most.

Activities on the agenda: skiing, snowshoeing, hiking, ice skating, the fur market, museums, and various interesting bars and microbreweries. We may even go whitewater rafting for a half-day, and take a couple day trips to other cities in a rental car. We hope to post some audio posts here so you can hear what we're doing each day and how it went.

Next time you hear from me, I'll be in Anchorage.

See you then!

No more Indigo Girls!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here's what I did today: I woke up at 4:30 am, checked to make sure I hadn't rolled over on any eggs in my sleep (? I think I must have had a dream about it, but all I can say for sure is that it was my first thought of the day), and headed downstairs for a shower. When I got out, I could have sworn I heard something moving in the basement and that freaked me out a little. Alas, coffee called and I had to make my way toward the back of the house in any case. I let Maddie outside to pee (very near said basement). Nothing got me, so I guess I imagined it. I drank my coffee as I was getting dressed and doing my makeup. Then I grabbed a banana and some peanut butter for breakfast and headed out to work. I got really annoyed with Sirius satellite radio on the way to work. I have been listening to one station (Coffeehouse) ever since I previewed them all {post 01.08.06}, but I have a major gripe. The variety, in general, is acceptable. But EVERY single morning on my way to work I have to hear an Indigo Girls song. I can't stand the Indigo Girls!! Wasting 4 precious commute minutes on that stuff is such a misery for me since I know there are a bazillion songs I would love to be hearing. Other artists I can be sure to hear at that time every morning: David Gray (love it), Tracy Chapman (love it), and Jack Johnson (I'm fine with it). Today on my two commutes I heard James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" twice. I just think that with the millions of coffeehouse type songs there are, I shouldn't have to hear the damned Indigo Girls every blasted day.

I could change the channel, I suppose, but I've misplaced my programming sheet and don't know which stations are which. I tried to be all random about it last week and ended up listening to Christian Rock. I won't be making that mistake again- I'd rather hear the Indigo Girls.

Then I drove home (again, another Indigo Girls song, though this one is one of the least painful to hear- it was Uncle John's Band. The most hated one is Kid Fears- it is truly atrocious).

I wonder why they (Sirius Coffeehouse people) don't play more Damien Rice?

Anyway, now I'm home and I'm checking in here before I go to bed. I hope to get called off tomorrow since the unit's kind of slow, but considering I was like 10th on the list today, that's a very remote possibility.

How's my near-depression, you ask? Well, I didn't cry today. In fact, I actually laughed a lot (I think my brain realized it was in a slump and to compensate it was coming up with the funniest stuff-I was cracking myself up a good part of the day, even when I was alone with no one else in close proximity). Overall my general mood was better, and my mind was a little clearer. I just hope it stays that way.

Hoping the weather's better in Alaska

It seems that I write the most when I am happy, and the big lapses come during times when I am either sick, or trying to deal with something. When I started this blog, I thought it would be good for me because it would be sort of an online journal where I could talk about everything that's happening to me- good or bad. Anyone else being interested in what I wrote was sort of just the icing on the cake. What I realized very quickly was that I can't possibly be 100% honest here, because other people can (and do) read this. Since I don't live in a bubble and most of my days are filled with interactions with other people, much of what I write involves other people. I am very cogniscent of the fact that you can't just write whatever you want about people who don't have a chance to defend themselves using the same forum (and I don't believe the "post a comment" section is sufficient). Also, some people just don't want their lives and experiences flung all over the web to be read by anyone who can stumble onto this page. But in between this balance of trying to be thoughtful and trying to be honest, there's real life and things that affect me in major ways, and I can't always edit out the things that involve other people which might upset someone. That's my disclaimer for today's topic anyway.

This past week and a half has been very hard for me. Hell, the last 4 years have been hard for me. My dad left my mom four years ago this April after a 32 year marriage, for reasons I choose not to discuss. For those people who say that this kind of stuff is easier to deal with when your kids are grown- don't buy that. It changed every single aspect of our family dynamic, in ways that are still revealing themselves. It left my mom alone and grieving at a time in her life when she should have been preparing to retire and enjoy the golden years of her life. In some ways it has cast a shadow over everything we do together as a family. But we're human and adaptable and moving on sometimes becomes a choice you don't get the luxury of making. In some ways I think it's made some of us much closer. But that's the only good part of any of it.

So this week I discovered, among other things, that my dad is getting remarried. It's the other things that make this so hard, but I can't discuss them here. I never would have predicted that this would have hit me so hard. For the last week, I have been really struggling to avoid a depression of some kind. I don't know if I am succeeding with that or not. I do know that my stress level has reached its max, and I am exhausted. I keep having thoughts of just moving away from my life. The other day all day long I kept thinking about moving to Georgia. For some reason, the South sounded really good. It felt like if I could just pick up and move away, I could get a fresh new start. Later that day I heard someone with a southern accent on NPR and I cried. I've cried a lot in the last week- mostly just fleeting, resigned sort of tears. I don't even have the will to respond to my dad's news at all.

I certainly haven't had the energy to post an entry here, so maybe this is a good sign. Or maybe I just needed an outlet that silently absorbs what I have to say. Either way, I just felt it fair to at least make a presence and offer some sort of explanation for my silence.

I leave for Alaska this Friday, and I've really been trying to shift gears and prepare myself- this is supposed to be fun, after all. I just don't want to be so desperate for a break from all this that I inadvertantly ruin it. My mom said last night that she already misses me. Somehow that made me feel worse.

More Super Saver Gloating

In keeping with my self-appointed Walgreens Super Saver Platinum status, I have just spend $130 buying stuff that I probably don't need (but lots of freebies in there, and I should be getting a good $70 of it back). Among the purchases this month:

Bayer low dose aspirin, enteric coated: it's never too early to be heart healthy
Women's One a Day Vitamins: see above, but delete the "heart"
Duct tape bandages: ugly as can be, but I'm sure they stick well
eye wrinkle cream: a recurrent recent fear of mine (along with varicose veins) is the fear of leathery, wrinkly eye skin. yuck.
tampax tampons and such: pretty self-explanatory
toothbrush and toothpaste: seriously, if I don't get these every time they're free, I'll break my long-standing record (probably close to two years now) of not having had to ever actually pay for them
Olay in-shower body lotion: love it, love it, love it
Dove anti-perspirant + deoderant: it does not keep me from sweating (as claimed), but I sure smell pretty when I work out
Pantene extra strength conditioner: makes my hair so silky soft
Aussie 12 hour dehumidifying hairspray: if you have curly hair and you're not using this, there's something wrong with you (and, in all likelihood, your hair)
Crest anti-gingivitis mouthwash: this is not a new fear, this is a very old, deeply rooted fear of mine.
L'oreal long lasting lipstick: I've never tried theirs, so I am interested to see how it compares to other, more tried-and-true brands


Anyway, that's basically it. I am much poorer now, but in 4-6 weeks, I'll have the last laugh.

3/13/06 First Thought

For the record, my first thought today was: "Are my mineral makeup brushes dry?"

And if anyone wants to send me the book Take it Back: Our Party, Our Country, Our Future (by James Carville and Paul Bengala) please feel free. It could be a belated birthday gift. If you're too embarassed, just send it anonymously. In the words of Train (well, sort of): "I don't care how it gets to me, just get it to me."

Happy Birthday, Stupid

Well, as you know (or maybe you don't), today is my birthday. I am 26 years old now, and this does not please me. However, optimist that I am, I was determined to have a good day of it. I scheduled myself to work just so I could be around people (if I were off today, I would have stayed at home, done laundry, cleaned something, or just sat around doing nothing) and sort of enjoy it. I actually had a decent day- I had two kids that I enjoyed thoroughly, and the pace of the day couldn't have been more perfect- I was steady so as not to be bored, but never overly busy. Some of the girls ordered Chinese for a birthday lunch. Anyway, the day was nearly over when I did something that ruined all my good birthday cheer. The conversation was as follows:

Laura to attending physician Dr. Krishnan in the conference room (joking and pointing authoritatively to a diagram of organ systems): "Oh, I'm glad you showed up, I was hoping to explain some physiology to you.."

Dr. Krishnan (laughing): "Go right ahead, I never object to being taught something new, no matter the teacher."

Laura (more serious now): "You know, the other day I made a list of all the things I want to do before I die. On that list was retaking anatomy and physiology. I really regret that I didn't pay more attention- it would have really been useful to me."

Dr. Krishnan: "Don't do that, just go to med school. You told me you wanted to anyway."

Laura: "I don't think I'd get in."

Dr. Krishnan: "Why not?"

Laura: "It's sooooo competitive. My grades were good, but not that good."

Dr. Krishnan: "Go to the Caribbean then. You'll get in."

Laura: "Nah, that's for cheaters."

Just then, a female resident who has been seated at the conference room table looked up at me and said icily: "Hmmm, that's strange. I went to the Caribbean for med school and I don't consider myself a cheater."

Needless to say, all the backpedaling and creative explanation in the world could not make me appear any less of an ass.

I guess you could call me The Birthday Ass.

Maybe it means something...

I think I'm going to keep a log of my "First Thought of the Day". I never realized it before, but it's interesting to think about what topics are the first to pop into my (or anyone's for that matter) head every morning. This morning, I opened my eyes, adjusted to my surroundings, and immediately asked myself, "Do I have varicose veins?" A quick check reassured me that they had not, indeed, sprung up overnight. Relieved, I was off to take a shower and prepare for the day.

In the past week, my "First Thoughts" have ranged from the weather in Alaska {post 3.7.06}, to my eye doctor (admittedly this one makes sense since he's hot), to realizing that I inadvertently allowed my mom to eat from the same jar of Jif peanut butter that I use to dip my dog's heartworm medicine in (so that she'll take it- my dog, that is, not my mom). For those of you who are thinking to hurry and tell her so as to rat me out: don't bother, I already told her the good news- she's heartworm free.

Anyway, I am now keeping a notebook by my bed to see if there's any sort of pattern or reasoning behind what pops into my head first thing every morning. I'll keep you posted.

I am missed...

On msn.com today, I was reading about all the ways you should NOT break up with someone. One of them was "Don't do the disappearing act to prevent yourself from having to tell the other person how you feel." For a couple seconds, I was sure that a couple of my ex-boyfriends had written the author to complain. Little did I know that at that very moment, I did indeed have a message from an ex-boyfriend sitting in my inbox, and he was complaining (in a sense). He asked why we couldn't still be friends and hang out. It was something I had asked him shortly after I had broken up with him (the right way that time, at least according to msn) and he just quit calling me altogether like I had never existed. I had two equally strong reactions to that question:

(1) I was happy to hear that he still wanted to keep in touch (figuratively speaking, of course)
(2) I was scared to reply for fear of leading him on, lest he be thinking that things are going to resume

So I wrote him back and just said I didn't know why we couldn't still be friends, and I gave him my new cell phone number (618-540-4051 for those I haven't told yet) and told him he could feel free to call me sometime. Just a few hours later, he called me. It was a fine conversation, nothing too unusual. He asked me if I was doing anything Friday, and I told him that I'm working. We made some small talk, and that was that.

I was going to make a list of qualities I'm looking for in a significant other, but that's boring. Instead, I decided to make a list of things I want to do before I die (in no particular order):

1. go to Alaska (can soon cross this one off)
2. buy a house
3. learn how to play the guitar
4. take voice lessons
5. go to Tahiti
6. go to Seychelle
7. learn Spanish
8. become organized (am working on this one)
9. learn how to garden
10. write a book
11. see New York
12. Mardi Gras in New Orleans
13. move somewhere across the country
14. spend another summer in the Keys teaching scuba
15. have children
16. have my own horse(s)
17. own a Jaguar
18. go back to school for a masters
19. weigh 130 pounds (am getting there...)
20. become an avid runner
21. backpack for an extended period of time
22. learn how to sail
23. teach at a university
24. retake some physics, chemistry, and anatomy and physiology (I did fine in them, but I think I'd be more interested now that I have some medical experience)
25. learn how to rock climb
26. whitewater raft
27. drive across the country with someone (wouldn't be as much fun alone)
28. learn French
29. get married and stay that way
30. live in a foreign country for a while

I'll add to this list as I think of more. What are your lists? I'd be interested to read them...

That's all for now.

24 days until Alaska...

I woke up this morning, and the first thought I had in my head was, "what's the weather like in Alaska today?" I wonder how many other non-Alaskans had that thought when they awoke this morning?

So I am all excited about this trip. Do you know that the male to female ratio in Alaska is 2:1? That could be interesting, though I suppose the ratio of non-eccentric males to females would be drastically less. I cannot wait to meet the kind of people who would live there. Truly I think they must be a different breed of human being to inhabit the -70 degree F weather and not pack up and head south. I was reading online the other day, and was amused (and somewhat alarmed) to discover that many of the inhabitants of even the "large" city of Anchorage have bear stories. In fact, I was half-laughing with Tiffany just thinking about the fact that you actually have to worry about a moose attacking you. Moose, as I understand it, are very temperamental and dangerous creatures. Many an Alaskan have been killed by them, and not just in cars, either. They charge and then stomp and butt and kick you to death. How would you explain that to someone from the mainland?:

Alaskan: "You 'member old Percy Ipalook from Juneau?"
Floridian: "You mean the one who saved you from that polar bear that was chasing your dogsled that time?"
Alaskan: "He got himself killed last week."
Floridian: "Really? He was such a tough old guy. It wasn't the bear, was it?"
Alaskan: "Nah...moose got him. Family says he ain't even recognizable no more. They're gonna have a memorial 'cause the funeral home cain't make him presentable. Crying shame, it is. Second one this month, too."

Fear of moose and polar bear attacks would surely add a bit more flavor to life. The frigid, blood freezing cold would just be the icing on the cake, then. But you know what you'd never have to worry about in Alaska? Snakes. So I guess the one things Alaskans have in common in choosing to live/remain there is complete ignorance of snakes. Maybe we should take a rubber snake and randomly throw it down to see what the reaction is. Would they even know what it is? This could be an interesting trip...

Anyway, we leave March 31st, and will be returning on April 8th. We made reservations today at the Caribou Inn (a very inexpensive B&B)- I think the girl who answered the phone must have been an Eskimo...

Jesus is King

Jesus Ayala, that is. And King of Mexican food, to be more specific. This little Mexican guy who makes food on a stove in the back of his van just rolled into Alton about 2 months ago (though he says he's been cooking like this for 20 years). He's awesome. Very animated little guy, very friendly and knowledgeable about Mexican food. And man, that food is something. Cheap, too. I spent $2 on a jalapeno fajita, and it was probably the best fajita I've ever had. And to seal the deal, he listens to NPR while he cooks.

Can't beat that with a stick, now can you?

Like that night we got kicked out of two bars...

Last night was a great night, one of those you end up bringing up whenever you're telling funny party stories. An old friend from Mizzou (Chirag) called Andrea last week and said that he was coming to Alton to party with us, and that he'd already bought his plane ticket. We were also going to be joined by two other old college friends, Bill and Stefanie. So Andrea called me and told me to make sure I left that weekend free because we were about to experience some serious partying. I was not disappointed.

We met for dinner at Big Muddy Pub in Alton. Chirag and Bill decided they didn't want to eat much because they wanted to be able to maximize their absorption of alcohol. So Chirag had two stuffed mushrooms, and Bill had a cup of shrimp gumbo and two small crabcakes (which he tried forcing both Stefanie and I to eat). Here's Bill with his crabcake:

At this point Andrea's parents were with us, and her dad, Andrea's husband Bill, and Bill McClain were all drinking whiskey (Bill and Bill had theirs in Coke). But they soon decided that they needed more whiskey and less Coke so the waitress began bringing them doubles with just a shot of Coke in them. Here are the two Bills with their doubles:

After a number of toasts (one every 5-10 minutes or so), it became obvious that the Maximum Absorption Theory was a success, and we were beginning to annoy the other people in the restaurant. Andrea's parents decided to leave, as her father was already tipsy from the straight whiskey he'd been drinking. The boys loved him, and that was further solidified by his, "Praise Allah!" closing remark to Chirag as he was leaving.

P.S. After this picture was taken, Bill M. came over to me and was so proud of himself because he said he could feel that he'd had a good smile in this picture.

Chirag, by this point, was at his peak and was hamming it up while trying to get our waitress to give him some action:

Bill M tried to warn Chirag that it may not work, and then resigned himself to the fact that Chirag was going to do what he wanted:

Sadly, despite the donning of his good red shirt later in the evening, a romance between the two of them was not to be...her refusal left Chirag visibly upset:Recovering quickly, Chirag turned his attention to Stefanie:

At last, Stefanie was no longer amused:

But Andrea was:

Two refusals spurned Chirag to try more familiar territory. Here, he proposes to Bill M.:

After that, it seemed as though love was in the air. Chirag and Andrea got close:

Chirag and Bill M. got close:

Chirag and I got close (after he tried to slay my head 3 times with a paper napkin, that is):

A reconciliated Chirag and Stefanie got close (note his "lucky" red shirt):

Chirag and Bill H. got close:

Bill H. and Bill M. got close:

Andrea and Bill H got very close:

Bill M and I got close (he was sure this was another great smile to be proud of):

A still lonely Chirag got close with himself:

After getting kicked out of Don and Penny's because Bill M. tried to act like a bouncer and refuse admission to a girl who looked like she could kick his butt, we found ourselves (minus Andrea and Bill H) at Mac's Time Out, where Bill M rediscovered all his old dancing moves (after nearly getting kicked out again):

After an evening of fun, Stefanie and I decided to retire at the Holiday Inn in Alton with our two very worn out Dancing Queens:

In short, a good time was had by all.

Mardi Gras Goodness

Wow. It's been a while, huh? I'll try to catch you up the best I can, starting with last Saturday (where I left off). After my dog broke my computer, I went to Mardi Gras in St. Louis. It was awesome. I was a little crabby at first because of all the people (we were all packed like sardines on the streets), and the fact that this little Asian guy on a pole ruined any chance of my getting some beads in the normal, clean sort of way (i.e. no flashing). Here he is, greedy little bead thief.

I met a couple friends of my older sister Jennifer. Turns out they were awesome, as well. Melissa has been named an honorary sister of ours because we liked her so much, and her husband Brian made me laugh so hard all day that my stomach hurt. Seriously, he was one of the funniest people I've met in a long time. Here we all are with some random guy and girl who dressed up as Captain and Mrs. Morgan.

From left to right: me, Jennifer, Captain Morgan, Mrs. Morgan, Melissa, and Brian. We were all nicely buzzed at the time due to the plentiful pitchers, as demonstrated by Jennifer below:

We eventually met up with my friend Tiffany, who lives in Soulard. At some point, I left with Tiffany to use the bathroom in her apartment, and ended up doing three jello shots with her before heading back out to catch some more Soulard action. Here we are in her kitchen after the jello shots.

This next picture is my brother in law, and our new friend Brian. They are Mardi-cool, as you can tell. Wonder how Carey got all those beads?

After Mardi Gras, we went home and ate pizza and played some Playstation. It was one of the most fun days I've had in a while.

Grrrrrrrrrr..........

I have so many things to tell you guys, but my dog broke my computer ( I swear, it's true) so I have to wait to post in any length until I get it up and running again (Friday hopefully).

Check back Friday.

Sorry!